Being a mother is something that men will never fully understand, just as being a father is something that women will never fully understand. The two roles are different. A woman has the unique ability to bear a child for nine months and then give birth. A man has the unique opportunity to stand by his wife and newborn child and protect and lead them. These roles alone do not define either sex, for who we are is defined in Christ, but they are different enough to shape our experiences, views, and ministries.
Right now, my wife is nine months pregnant and is very ready for our son to be born. This is our second child, and although she went 18 days early with out daughter, she is now almost full-term with our son. I am unable to experience what she experiences. I am unable to fully empathize with her because I just don’t know how it feels to have a child growing inside of me. That’s a God-given gift for women.
As a man, her husband, and the father of her children, I can only sympathize and do what I can do support her through the Braxton Hicks, back pain, and everything else she will go through. As a man, her husband, and the father of her children, I can only marvel at the strength that God has given my wife (and all women) to go through this process.
It is a unique calling for a woman to embrace motherhood and all its ups and downs. This is not a role that can be switched, nor is it a role that should ever be diminished or looked down upon. In her book, Missional Motherhood, Gloria Furman explains how motherhood works inside the church,
“The people in our lives know where to go for food, protection, and help. They know where to go to grow. They come to you, mothering woman, for provision. No pressure, right? Thankfully, we know that God is the one who is faithful to provide what they need.”
Mothers are naturally nurturing. It’s not that men don’t or can’t nurture others; we just do it in different ways. Sometimes we nurture in the same way, but for the most part we don’t. For instance, it’s much more likely that a woman will offer to hold a newborn than a man. Just as it’s much more likely for a man to help with a project or hand a child a dollar or two.
It’s not that men can’t do what women do or vice versa, but there’s a more likely approach from either sex. Both acts are nurturing and show care but are simply shown in different ways. A woman will nurture in the way only a mother can, and that’s what I’m admiring in my wife right now.
There are points right now when she has no doubt questioned why she’s going through all of this. Why is this pregnancy so different than the last? Why does she have to have so much uncomfortable and painful movements from the baby? Why did I let my husband do this to me?
Yet, she bears through it all. As she sits through those hard contractions there’s nothing I can do except hold her hand and offer my sympathy. Braxton Hicks can often be harder during subsequent pregnancies, and let me tell you, she is having some hard contractions this past week. But she bears it.
In this we must remember that women are not saved to biblical womanhood but are saved to Christ. They are not defined by their womanhood, just as men are not defined by their manhood. We find our identities in Christ, and those identities are expressed differently through us. For, “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
We are created differently, but equal. I am reminded of when God created Eve in the Garden of Eden to be Adam’s helper. I actually really enjoy how Kimberly Wagner puts it in her book, Fierce Women, “God didn’t create woman to fill a ‘no big deal’ role. Men and women are created with equal worth and value, given equal access to God, and both live with the purpose of glorifying Him. Neither role is inferior or superior. Each comes with its own challenges, and in order to serve well in her role, a woman must be fierce. Not destructively fierce but beautifully fierce.”
No matter your view on what a helper is, there’s no doubt that woman was created as a helper for the first man. She was made to compliment him. She was made in God’s image and is in no way inferior to man. She can be fierce in the way that God has made her: in leadership, in marriage, and in motherhood.
The reason for pain during childbirth is because of sin, as we see in Genesis 3:16,
“He said to the woman:
I will intensify your labor pains;
you will bear children with painful effort.”
These pains she must suffer are a result of our sin. It’s a reminder that we need God for our salvation and that this pain leads to greater things. Although this was a curse of pain, it follows a promise of salvation from one of her children. That child was Jesus. He is the one who redeems us and who will strike the final blow to the Serpent.
It is through my wife’s burden, through the pain that only a woman can experience, that I am reminded of God’s plan. He has not left us or forsaken us, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
Although this is a promise for Israel when Joshua was to succeed Moses, we know that Christ was forsaken on the cross so we would not have to be. We can rest in God who is our rock, who is sovereign over all things. If God is for us, then who can be against us?
Whether it be COVID-19 or pregnancy contractions, we know that God is with us and has always had a plan to redeem us. As I look to my wife, I and reminded more of Christ during this time of uncertainty.
Above all, I admire the strength and resilience of my wife right now. As I keep pointing her to Christ, she does the same. Through this pain, through her strength, we can all look forward to when God will redeem all of His creation.
She is woman, hear her roar.
Millennial Rev 